It's All In The Details

To be competitive in anything, you must succeed in the details. If you train in hockey, you practice the accuracy of your shot, the speed of your lap and your balance. If you were a sprinter, you would train the strength of your legs, the response time of your start and control your weight. If you don't put the little things together, you will never get a complete whole.

I believe I am a natural competitor. Not in the sense that I am competitive in everything that I participate in and am in the upper echelon of the successful. No, I simply believe whole heartedly that if you put all the details together, you will win. Alternatively, I use the same philosophy to explain my failures.

When I lose in volleyball, I explain to myself that I wasn't fast enough, didn't jump high enough or didn't hit hard enough. When I do poorly in school, I tell myself that it was because I didn't study hard enough, didn't spend enough time on my projects or wasn't clear enough with my professor. These are all things I can change, that I can fix for next time and, almost assuredly, I will do better in the future.

However, I have tried to explain my perpetual single-hood in the same way and it doesn't work. I tell myself that I am single because I am sometimes too immature, too insensitive and not outgoing enough. I have taken steps to correct a little bit of each failure. But my subsequent attempts have never lead me any closer to my goal.

To further my confusion, the opposite seems to be true. I see individuals that are much more childish than myself, offend everyone in the room or prefer to recluse in a room over going out. And these people are in long term, successful relationships. In my mind, this is like achieving results that defy the laws of physics. I am dumbfounded.

But what can I do when the results clearly show that I am wrong? I have no other course of action than to accept that gravity pulls up and the Earth is flat. I have to accept that I am single, not because I don't make enough money, can't charm everyone that I talk to or fail to provide insight on current events. No, I am here because of something completely mysterious to me.

I guess I am back where I started. At square one, completely lost and a little despirited. But being lost in darkness is better than being lead with false hope.