My life is pretty good right now. I'm living an extremely busy schedule. Every morning I have 5:00 A.M. work outs; every week I have beach volleyball, games night and pool. In between, I still have movies to go to and lots of other stuff to attend.
Beyond simply occupying myself, I feel as if I'm making a place for myself in my friends hearts. I'm starting to dig out a niche, a loud and Catan-dominating niche, that not just anyone can fill. My friend's desire to spend time with me gives me a sense of self-worth, something that I haven't had a lot of in my life.
But, much like how I don't trust people who smile, I start to get skeptical when I get happy. You are in the most vulnerable position you're visiting cloud nine. When you feel everything is going your way and nothing can go wrong, things will go wrong. Epically.
For example, the middle east has been a hot bed for conflict for decades. (Or even centuries, if you take into consideration what kind of conflict.) But everyone in America thought that they were safe and protected. Then 9/11 happened. Another example, Batman thought that he was doing a good thing and was cleaning up the streets of Gotham. Another few months, another few years and there would be no need for a Batman. Along comes the Joker and turns everything on its head.
Finally, a more personal example. When I was dating my most recent ex, there were often times I doubted whether she was into me or not. She's a very cute girl that was well connected, I felt insecure that I wasn't enough to keep her attention. But I was happy to be with someone and I told myself that I didn't need to worry. I saw the way she smiled when we were together and I knew she didn't have a lot of time for other people. I thought I was safe. Then one day she said we needed to talk and it was over. I'm not saying I was devastated but it did come at an unexpected time.
My point is, happiness constantly lures you into a sense of false security. I don't want to be a chump and I don't want to be hurt. So I'm patiently waiting for the bomb to drop. The hardest part is not knowing when or what form it'll be in.
Would a less complacent America or Batman have prevented 9/11 or the Joker's arrival (respectively)? They may have been more prepared for these events, but I doubt they could have been prevented outright.
ReplyDeleteMy point is, happiness isn't necessarily a signal for upcoming misfortune. They're separate conditions. One shouldn't fear happiness. Although "nothing gold can stay", one should be able to enjoy happiness. In fact, if one believes it to be a fleeting emotion, that's more of a reason to relish in it more.
However, I do understand your feeling that it sucks to be taken by surprise. I don't know if it would help to be mentally prepared for the worst or if that'll just be depressing. From my own experience, I found that I just can't predict my own reactions and emotions.
So here's hoping that, although you may not when the bomb'll drop, you'll know what to do after it does.