It became apparent in junior high and high school that I was very good at one thing. Arguing. I was able to realize both sides of an argument and took pride in being able to play the Devil's advocate. I found the resulting banter from arguing both sides satisfying and intellectually stimulating.
I don't anymore.
The only heated arguments I participate in any more seem to be moral ones. Moral truths aren't black and white; they're not even gray. They are all the different colors of the rainbow and more. One can give an example in support of their moral point but whether the other side gives or takes to that example has nothing to do with its validity and is entirely based on their moral values. It feels kind of pointless when you rack your brain to throw out several examples and have, maybe, one stick.
Also, I find it kind of inappropriate to have a moral debate with a stranger, so those conversations usually occur with friends. I am usually able to pick apart an argument, focusing on weak points or statements that don't accurately state what they meant. But what's the point when it's with friends? I could deconstruct what my friends are saying and turn their words against them. But deep down, I know where their hearts and minds are. Pretending they're standing somewhere where they're not just to break down their words seems wrong and futile.
The worst part is that I'm stubborn. And so are my friends. It seems that no matter what a conversation is about, the images of our values before and after a discussion are exactly the same. If nothing ever changes, why are we putting forth effort and time and possibly straining friendships? Why do we risk anything when there's nothing to gain?
I don't know what changed inside of me but I don't want to fight anymore. Let's all get along, even if we have differences. Especially if we have differences.
It's not always bad to be devil's advocate. At work, Tom and I would sometimes "swap sides" in an argument. It wasn't intentional, but we'd often find ourselves arguing *for* the other person's original point of view. In a way, it validated the fact that we were listening to each other and understood each other's arguments. We were capable of arguing *for* each other's side.
ReplyDeleteGoing further, a "viewpoint" or "position" on a topic can still exist regardless of whether or not anyone present currently believes in it. We need to have people around us who are willing to argue for viewpoints/positions that are logical, but that they themselves don't necessarily agree with.
I agree with P that we need people who are willing to argue for viewpoints/positions that ar logical. Though I feel that it should be emphasized, *before* starting the discussion, that it's an opinion that they don't hold. I find it most frustrating when people say "Doesn't matter, I agree with you anyway" at the *end* of the conversation. I'd like to know that our views aren't that different... If they were to have no opinion, state that. I don't want to go through a conversation thinking "This person is completely insane, I can't possibly be friends with them because their view of the world does not mesh with mines!" I want to go "I'm having a good discussion with this person because we want to cover this topic from all angles" It's late and I haven't had much sleep... I hope this makes sense... *Close eyes* [Post Comment]
ReplyDeleteYeah! Now we can talk about movies without it ending in tears! haha j/k
ReplyDeleteWill you also let me win at Settlers? :p